A mothers love

I find that in many ways, a mothers' love is both difficult and simple. Difficult because of all the crap she has to put up with throughout your journey in finding who you are. Simple because it's in her DNA to love you.

Though sometimes, probably more often than not, it's hard to love me, My mom is just amazing. I know I frustrate her. I frustrate myself sometimes and I admit, I'm really lazy, but I just have to say, she is absolutely amazing.

I was actually on top of things this Valentines day...I got her some bubble wrap(she loves popping it), a necklace, and a rose. I wasn't expecting anything in return. I just wanted her to have a nice day and to know that I love her dearly.

She made me bread. Oh man, you have no idea how amazing that is. I LOVE the bread she makes. yum yum YUM! I wasn't expecting anything, and she simply gave me bread. That was the best valentines I've ever had in my whole life, next to the gift of her being my mother. Man, I love her. She's so amazing.

Day 3(a day late)

Yeah...I fail.

I gave up on the hair thing. I know it says you have to get past the feeling of your hair being oily...but I just can't. But, I will be looking out for Shampoo without the sudsy stuff when I go grocery shopping next.

Day 2

Not sure if Blowdrying is a good idea. I'm worried it might be drying out the oils...But my hair feels like it's had a little glue added to it after it's been "rinsed" when it's wet. I felt the need to dry it. I put some Herbal Essences color conditioner on it in the shower and that may have helped. Other than that, still trying it. It is a little frustrating that the texture is funky. If I don't like this, then I'll be on a quest for shampoos without that Lauryl stuff in it. :) My friend Allie says she uses Pureology. Is that expensive?

Edit:

Yes. It's expensive. *sigh*

Experiment

So I'm trying something new.

I recently became a member of stumbleupon.com thanks to my procrastination in my college life, and I stumbled upon an article about hair and shampoo. This girl had blogged about having a 'poo free mane and the benefits of it. Your everyday over-the-counter Shampoo contains one or both of Sodium Lauryl or Lauryl Sulfate which are used as foaming agents. They create the pretty bubbles in your shampoo that makes you think you're cleaning it.

However, both are detergents capable of degreasing engines. Thinking about that, you can imagine that they are skin irritants which cause that unfavorable dandruff shoulder. Shampoo strips your hair of natural oils and make you dependent on the conditioner you use afterwards to replace what you lost.

Basically, I'm parroting what the article said, but I believe it. I'm going to start my 'Poo Free journey...This is my strike against Herbal Essenses not making my favorite shampoo anymore...Bring back the Rose, and maybe I'll shampoo again.

Article:

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/2ChSWG/www.mnn.com/lifestyle/beauty-fashion/stories/bubble-trouble

DAY ONE

Hair feels a little oily right now. Going to go with the "You have to get over it" thing. I blowdried it, though, so that might be the problem. I had to get ready for a dance performance. Still using Aussie Conditioner. Might have to change since it's the Moist one, and that might just encourage oil. BUT It's pretty! And soft. But that may just be from the previous shampoo. Too early to really tell anything, but I guess it's important to go one step at a time.

Impatient

Popularity

Loneliness

Disconnect

Guilt

Pity

Laziness

Exasperation

God I'm so tired. So tired of being in school. So tired of being away from home. Lord, I know it's not right for me to beg you of this, but please...PLEASE tell me Your plan does not include me staying here in Iowa. PLEASE tell me my husband is waiting for me in Nashville, or close to it.

Lord, I like it here, sometimes, for certain reasons. Every time I move, I always end up more popular in the new place than where I was before. Back in Utah, I hardly had friends. Maybe a few. Everyone else was shallow and focused on themselves. When I moved to Tennessee, I had a new start. At first, I refused to make friends, but the good ol' southern hospitality got to me. Then the Children's Ministry did. Then Ministry in general did. God, I may have been following the crowd, but I loved the crowd I followed.

Lord, here in Iowa, it stinks. I now know why you made pigs forbidden. They are not a pleasing aroma. They're gross and noisy...It makes me wish I was back in Utah with the Cows. And the wind here is too harsh. The water is too soft, and the cold...too cold. I miss how the cold meant skiing and snowballs and snowmen. But God, It's too cold here to do that anymore. Maybe Tennessee spoiled me. But this dustbowl is not my cup of tea.

Lord, I should be thankful. And I am. But I'm weary. God, I have so many friends. Many people who know me - lots of whom I don't even personally know! I'm likable, and popular here. Dance Team keeps me on my toes, Student Activities is great for a Resumé, and Rush was a BLAST. But you know I'm an active person. Activities are fun. I'm ready to stop being in school. I'm ready to make a difference in this world. But I know I should finish this. But another year seems so LONG! I've changed my major so many times, and there are so many opportunities for me to embark on...But God I fall deeper and deeper into debt with every step and want I take. Tuition is free and that's a BLESSING far beyond any I've thought about. But that car is only $4,900, and it's SO cute and it'll get me HOME! But I want to go to Spain. I want to work at Victoria's Secret.

Humility

I must remember this. God, your love is better than wine. Your purpose for me is great, and my problem is that I can't...God I can't see it! I want to see where I'm going! I don't like this Blindfold!

But I'm not trusting you. Which is why you have me blindfolded. God. Oh God. Give me your hands, or let me hold on to the hem of your robe. Give me something tangible. Point me North, South, East, West, North North East...Home, overseas, ANYWHERE.

Patience. I am impatient. Your Word is a reassuring kiss on my forehead. "Daughter, It's okay. I'm here."

I breathe and tears roll down my face. "I hear you, God. I've strayed. I let go of your hands. Where are they?"

You touch my cheek and wipe away a tear. "In front of you, where they always have been. Reach out and seek me with all your heart. There you'll find them. There you'll find Me." Touch. Warmth.

"Oh God."

"I will lead you beside still waters and show you bridges over troubled ones. I am Brilliant. Glorious. Magnificent. Your eyes are not yet ready for that. The Blindfold I place on you teaches you to trust Me. My hands are here. I carved the way. I know the Truth. I Am the Light. Trust me."

God, I'll try.

"That's okay. It's better than most."

God I want to help them, too.

"And you will. But sometimes you must help yourself first. You cannot teach what you do not know. I Know. I'm teaching you. Listen. Obey. Then you may instruct."

I love you.

"Agape"